comments on draft 1

Sorry I couldn't make it to today's meeting, but well done Pam on the first draft! Some comments:

1) The first sentence may turn some people off in its current form, especially those who have been trying to do something! Personally I feel that tackling the issue of sustainability is not a choice between success or failure. There is always more that can be done. For example, if we manage to keep global warming below 2 degrees, we will still have failed in keeping it below 1.5 degrees. What I think everyone can agree on is that "the response of global governance has not matched the scale and urgency of the sustainability issues we face."

2) Para 2: "We are not skeptics". I think the s word should be avoided if possible, because a) many environmental researchers would want to claim that they are skeptics too (that's how science works, right?) and b) many "skeptics" would want to be called something else. Perhaps the para could state "We the youth recognise the scientific evidence of environmental problems. We do not find it controversial. In the 20 years since the first Earth Summit, the evidence has accumulated"

3) The final four sentences seem to each stand on their own rather than linking together. For instance, what is the 'it' in the final sentence referring to? I'm sure you'll have more thoughts on how to wrap it up. I like the two points about needing the current generations action/help, and about our generation intending to take s,e, and o equally seriously. I think they are good material for the final para. The point about hope instead of just fear is equally good, but perhaps should go in para 3/4?